I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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