Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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