Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
