I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
