i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
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You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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