Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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