he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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