6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
