Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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