Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
