Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
