now i know why i became what i already was.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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