I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He better not be in your backpack
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
