hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She's the barista slut.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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