imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
