dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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