Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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