apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
