wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
