Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
True strength comes from lack of pants
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
