You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
