I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
