i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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