I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
