All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
