I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
