Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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