yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
