So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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