I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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