do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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