I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
