it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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