I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
