In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
