Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
