What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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