Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My vagina is very pro this idea
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
