I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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