Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
