i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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