life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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