im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
