Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
