i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
