you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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