I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
