Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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