tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
