Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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