my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
