I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
