I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The air was thick with penises
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
