i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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