dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
