I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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