she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
