I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
