We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
