The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
