He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
