You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
nutella sex= disaster
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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