there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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