i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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