YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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