Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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