apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
