haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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