Whatcha textin bout Willis?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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