lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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