Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
