You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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